Good My Ohness!!!

So I am stuck here in a house with 3 females. It sounds like a bad TV show but it is God's honest truth. As far as the masculine team goes, it is just me and my dog Petey, who by the way was deprived of his masculanity at a young age so he only counts a half. So one and a half on three, I am definately double-teamed.

I need some help so if there are any males (with full masculanity) that want to move in and help even the odds a bit, my sanity needs you.

I just know some how that our first born is going to be a female as well and deep down inside I know this because me and my 2 brothers probably made my mom insane the same way. (Also 2 male dogs without mascualanities, so they will only count together as one)

One female, who will rename nameless, likes to poop and pee everywhere. This is not normal behavior from one that you are sharing your living space with, you would think that she could have a little more respect.

I will have you know that all of the men of the house know where to do their "business".

So to sum it up, men, Petey and I need you. Women, go outside or in a toilet.

I have noticed certain abuses that I have started recieving since I married Amy. Of these, the most notable is "Felicity".

For example, this morning I am enjoying the serene peacefulness that is a saturday morning until, from the other room, I hear the Felicity theme song. If it was just any dumb old show I would simply ignore it, but this is Felicity and has some addictive property that I can't quite place.

I find myself drawn to the very thing I despise. I find phrases like "Felicity you twit" and "Gnoll you boob" coming out of my mouth. I inquire of my wife what will happen next while trying to act disinterested. "What will happen when Gnoll draws the line?" "What is in Megan's blasted box!?" How can I find myself interested in something so incredibly dumb and pointless!?

And if my wife gets her way and names our daughter Felicity, well, I just don't know what to say.

I'll tell you what friends, (and by friends I mean the 2 people that might read this) the word of the day is brought to you by the letter "s".

Not sassy, or s****y, or sad, or silly, or sword, or any other "s" word you might be thinking of. For me this morning the word is "surrender".

This particular morning I am finding it extra hard to let go of of the trivial things that make up my daily life. I tell myself that God doesn't need those things. Why would he want them?

First let me ask myself the real question, why would he want any part of my life at all!? When compared to a perfect God, my life is (add s-word here) garbage. It makes no sense why he would want to use my life, but whether it makes sense or not, he does.

When looking at it from this perspective, what right do I have to tell God what parts of my life he really wants.

Here is the kicker for me. God wants to make my life his new art-project. Yup, from the same artist that made works of art like the mountains, the oceans, the sky, the universe, and best of all, my wife's hot bod. It says in Ephesians 2:10 that we are God's workmanship.

When I take away part of my life from God, I am tearing off a piece of the canvas he is painting on. If you think this is OK, I suggest going down to your local art gallery and tear off parts of works art that you think are not necessary. (Trust me, this will go down really great!)

So, hesitantly, still attached to the things I love in life, my idols, I give them to God. I give God the idol of TV, I surrender to him the idol of wealth, I surrender to him the idol of being really really ridiculously good looking. I find myself in a place where I no longer attach myself to anything but my Lord and Savior. House, wife, dogs, parents, friends, music, health, gone. They don't matter.

I find in this place that God, out of his infinite mercy and love, returns some of these things to me, but now they are no longer idols but gifts from God. I find myself a person that God is molding through his Holy Spirit to be a work of art in his larger will for the universe, which is an even larger work of art. Out of his infinite creativity he has taken garbage and turned it into priceless art.

Well, now that I am feeling a little more surrendered, time to go do the work that God has put before me this day!

Is blogging great or what! It's basically an internet journal or diary that you can't act surprised when other people read. In fact, not only do they let you know they read your journal, they write in it to boot!

Can you imagine writing in your journal one morning, "I can't believe how cute Jev was today," then when opening your journal later on finding, "You know you want me -Jev". That actually happened to me last week but that's another story.
(The above story is true but the name was changed to Jev from Mr. Forsberg to protect the not so innocent.)

The point being, it is nice to be able to post my feedback(judgement) on other peoples thoughts and how fun is that?

So I guess all I need to do now is write how cute Jev was today!

I will tell you what my friends, I think I have met more people on the internet than in real life. And people on the internet are generous too! I get e-mails from people offering me free i-pods, vacations, etc.

For example, this one fellow, bigFree4u@asdjd.com , almost everyday e-mails me to check up on me and see how I am doing. Well, it is more just him keeping me updated on how he is doing, but I am glad he cares. Actually, normally it is just an offer to increase my breast size with herbal supplements for cheap, but hey, I'm sure he only offers this deal to his closest friends.

I keep trying to write him back and let me know that I don't need my breasts any bigger, being a man and not wanting to personify too much the stereotype of computer programmers. He must be too busy to respond, you know, making all that money from all those people who actually need his product, but the point is there are people out there who care.

If anyone does need some supplements, let me know, I have hook-ups with my friends on the internet.

I think babies are adorable. Don't you think so. Who doesn't want a baby?

This is why I think that I should switch carrers and become a baby salesman. Here is a picutre of me modeling my friend's slightly used model that I can arrange for you to take home for an absolute steal.



Let's be honest, I know you want to take this baby home with you, don't you?

Just letting you guys out there know, I have no idea what I am doing. Not a clue.